Benefits of Embracing Positive Male Change

As we move towards egalitarian societies, as women deserve and desire equal pay for equal work,  men must change and adapt. Thus, the ability to be authentic, be real requires additional types of intelligence, emotional intelligence for example.

There is not doubt that one of the main reasons men are learning to change is the desire for improved relationships with their partners, their children and their workmates. Women and children are asking the men in their lives to change.

As men learn emotional intelligence skills they are more attractive as companions and confidantes; attracting quality friends because they are more authentic and compassionate.

Numerous studies show that the happiest people are those with the best relationships. Good levels of emotional intelligence form the basis of good partnership skills. Above all, these people are happy with themselves. I’ve found this to be true for myself.

Embracing Positive Change – A Win/Win:

Positive masculinity change requires us to become more aware or more conscious. These days, being a real man is about being an authentic man. This requires congruency (consistency) across the aspects that comprise a human being; namely our physical, mental, emotional, (and some say; spiritual) layers. A common expression, ‘the body tells the truth,’ speaks to the connection between body, mind and emotions.

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Becoming more conscious as men, means that we are less controlled by our unconscious.

Many of the life choices we make have their roots in our unconscious mind. Becoming more conscious is a way of mastering our masculinity.

Often – we are not in charge of our mind; we are not running our own show. The unconscious needs to be factored in because it can destroy all the good we do. Addictions are often connected to the less conscious parts of our minds.

Most likely the ‘drive’ for men like Tiger Woods, the former US golf champion or ex-president Bill Clinton, who ruined their careers through risky secret sexual liaisons, comes from their unconscious minds.

Both men required counselling for their addictions. Time will see if they need more.

It is vital for men to maintain constant conscious vigilance to ensure congruency and honesty between all the layers of ourselves.

Equally important is developing congruence between ourselves and the world around us.

For example, Tiger Woods was not being congruent with the ‘clean’ family image he portrayed in public. This contrasted with the person who had to constantly tell lies to sustain his addiction.

A congruent Tiger W would have stayed single and been upfront about his need to have multiple partners. The world could then accept him for whom and what he was, not the fake Tiger Woods. My guess is that Tiger’s self esteem as a man, was suffering.

When there is not congruency it is often because of compartmentalization—walling off sections of self to detach from feeling. One example would be a gang boss playing lovingly with his wife and child while simultaneously ordering the extermination of a rival gang on the phone. Most men learn at an early age to compartmentalize. Courageous self-examination is required and recommended.

Our fathers and grandfathers achieved amazing things against all odds. We can as well, but today’s challenge is more complex, both local and global, it requires a different type of courage; one arising from and solidly centred in our inner integrity (congruence) and conscious intent.